Chocolate Pudding
by TamiLove
Summary: "Cartman could feel his heart pound twice as fast as the baby turned slowly and opened his eyes. They were green. Bright, bold emerald green, just like Kyle's." Rated M to be safe!
1. You'll call me Cartman!

**Hi guys! You must be thinking; two new stories in one day? WTH is wrong with this person? I know I know, its just that I had this idea and I loved it and I couldn't get to sleep before posting it! I've been watching a lot of "Baby's first Day" and other cute baby documentary shows like that, so that's where these ideas come from. Tell me if you like it~ This is Kyman, slash! Comment and all that chizz! If you have any suggestions or concerns, please express them! Thanks guys!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from South Park. (Unfortunatly~ :[ ) All wonderful things South Parky belong to the wonderful beings known as Trey Parker and Matt Stone.**

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The Jew was late. It was their three year anniversary and that bastard had the audacity to be late. Cartman glanced at his wristwatch again. 8:39PM shone brightly at him in the darkness of the candle lit apartment.

_He'd better be hurt, dying in somebody's alleyway. _He thought angrily then immediately regretting it. His phone vibrated suddenly, causing Cartman to jump.

"CHUNK-AYE! CHUNK-AYE! I LIKE EM BIG! I LIKE EM CHUNKAYE! I LIKE EM BIG! I LIKE EM PLUMPAYE!"

The song blasted, signaling Kyle was calling. God knows he hates that song.

"Where the hell are you, Jew?" Cartman started before Kyle could get a word in.

"Eric! Eric, I can barely hear you! I'm at the hospital! I'm okay, but I need you to come as quick as possible!" Cartman jumped up. He blew out the candles hastily and grabbed his keys off the rack in front of the door.

"I'm on my way. What hospital?" he asked as he shut the door behind him.

"Uh huh, I know where it is. I'll be there in a minute." Cartman ended the call and put his phone in his pocket. Jogging to the elevator he pushed the down button repeatedly. Once down to the garage he all but ran to his silver 2012 Lexus ES. That car was his pride and joy, but there was no time to admire the shiny exterior or curse the goddamn pigeons for almost shitting on his car. Cartman slid in and turned the ignition.

The next twenty minutes were all but a blur. He remembered exiting the garage and flicking off some guy for cutting him off. He vaguely remembered outrunning some half-assed suburb cop, but he'd gotten to the hospital in less time than it would take a domino's delivery guy to get down the street.

He parked, not caring that he'd taken over two spots and would probably get ticketed. He ran through the front doors of the hospital where immediately he saw Kyle.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked breathlessly. Kyle looked like he was about to cry.

"Come on." He grabbed Cartman's large hand. Together they wordlessly walked to the elevator and went up to the eighth floor. Cartman grew more confused when he saw the banners and posters for newborns. He was absolutely dumbstruck when Kyle walked boldly past the doors that said, NICU.

"Khyle? What the fuck is going on?" he said whispering for no reason.

Kyle motioned for Cartman to follow him. They walked slowly down a narrow, all-white hallway that led to a plain door. The only thing that stood out on the walls was an off-white telephone mounted to the wall near the door. Kyle picked it up.

"It's Kyle, Kyle Cartman." He annunciated. There was a beep and a click and the door was opened. A blonde nurse walked up to them.

"How's he doin Laura?" Kyle said, concerned.

"Actually he's doin great, Kyle. All his tests came back positive; it's lookin real good for him." She smiled, Kyle sighed, relieved. Cartman looked in between the two, patience running thin. Laura's eyes grew wide at Cartman. She looked him up and down.

"Is this your husband?"

"Yeah this is him." Kyle chuckled.

"Jealous!" Laura sighed. Cartman was still irritated but couldn't help smiling proudly at the complement.

"I'm Eric." He waved awkwardly.

"He's a hottie! Lucky you!" She threw at Kyle. Cartman blushed even more proudly. It's true, Cartman was hot. During middle and high school he'd lost all his baby weight, replacing it with muscle. He was tall too; about six foot seven last time it was checked. His hair was respectably styled so that he could be taken seriously while working at the law firm but also so that he didn't look too old. His face was naturally good looking because even though she was a whore, Liane Cartman was also one of the most beautiful women in South Park and Eric defiantly took after her.

"Can we go see him now?" Kyle asked excitedly.

"Well… visiting hours technically are over." Kyle's face dropped. Laura smiled.

"But for you, what the hell?" Kyle's face perked back up.

"Wash your hands thoroughly over there." Laura pointed to a sink on the closest wall. She then went through what appeared to be a closet door. She came back a minute or two later fully cloaked with a surgical mask and cap, and a hospital gown. He passed a set of the like to Cartman who, too dumbfounded to argue, put them on. Kyle was almost done dressing when Laura whispered to them.

"Okay, right now, he's sleeping so try not to wake him." Kyle bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet. Laura led the two through another long hallway. (This one was blue.)

Cartman was feeding off Kyle's excitement. Even though he only vaguely had an idea of what was going on, he could feel his heart racing in his chest as Laura opened the furthest door to the back. The room was brightly lit despite the sleeping baby inside.

"He's breathing on his own and everything. With results like this, he'll be out of the NICU by morning and probably discharged later this week." Laura whispered happily.

Kyle walked over to the table in the middle of the room. The baby was wrapped in covers and settled inside a plastic bassinette. Kyle paused for a bit then reached inside. He placed a long slender finger by the little pink hand. It immediately grabbed hold of the foreign object. Kyle gleamed and glanced over to see Cartman huddled nervously near the doorway.

He waved him over with his free hand.

"Come here, fatass." He whispered excitedly. Cartman shuffled over to the bassinette. Inside was a pink ball of baby with dark, chocolate brown hair. He snored peacefully in his Finding Nemo blanket. Cartman could feel his heart pound twice as fast as the baby turned slowly and opened his eyes.

They were green. Bright, bold emerald green, just like Kyle's. Kyle was smiling approvingly and the baby watched the two men exchange glances and chuckle to each other.

"Well since he's awake now, do you want to hold him?" Laura asked pointing to a rocking chair in the corner of the room.

"Can I?" Kyle looked like he was going to pee himself. Laura laughed and Cartman shook his head. Laura grabbed the baby from his bed and motioned for Kyle to sit in the chair. He did as was told, bouncing happily but going rigidly stiff once Laura placed the baby in his arms. Cartman couldn't believe how natural Kyle looked holding a baby. He pulled the surgical mask down and sighed.

"Where did he come from?" he asked finally.

"I saved him." Kyle answered calmly, not looking up from the baby's curious eyes.

"He was in a dumpster in an alley down the street from the office. I heard him crying and brought him here. They're searching for him parents now, just in case he was abducted. But they don't have any leads and no one has filed for a missing baby. We're assuming he was abandoned."

"He's been doing wonderfully." Laura chimed in. "When Kyle first brought him in, doctors confirmed that he was about two days old. He's full term though, everything is right with his organs and brain functions and all that. He's really lucky."

"So you said he'd be discharged by the end of this week. Where's he gonna go?" Kyle asked, playing with the baby's fingers and looking curiously at Laura.

"Well if they can't find his mom, he'll be shipped off to the state. He's great adoption material." Kyle paused. Cartman looked away.

No way in hell was Kyle pulling him into that. He had to admit, the kid was cute, but adopting? Like seriously? Absolutely not! He knew the moment he looked into Kyle's big green orbs, he'd have no way out. So his eyes shot around the room, searching for something to attract his attention.

Laura noticed the gleam in Kyle's eyes and the desperation from Cartman to stay away from those eyes. She snickered to herself.

"Hey, Kyle!" she whispered almost inaudibly. Kyle looked at her. She threw him a thumbs up. Understanding, he nodded.

"Hey, Eric!" Laura whispered. His head shot around.

"You wanna hold him?" A large, devious grin crossed her face. Cartman noticed it.

"Ahh no, I'm good."

"Come on, it won't hurt!" she insisted, standing Kyle up and plopping Cartman in the unoccupied seat. She carefully took the baby from Kyle's arms and placed him with Cartman.

"Now hold his head like this and put this arm under here…" she instructed Cartman. Kyle pulled out his phone and started snapping pictures. It was too precious! Cartman looked terrified beyond belief. He looked down at the fragile ball of pink flesh in his arms. He felt a warm smile crossing his face. There was an initial look of confusion but was quickly changed into a gummy grin.

"Did you get that?" Laura squealed.

"Oh I got that! Look look look!" Kyle squealed showing Laura his phone.

Cartman looked at them but found himself looking back at the baby who was still grinning happily. Cartman returned the smile with another smile of his own and then started experimenting with different faces to get the baby's reaction. Most of the time he got a confused 'what the hell is wrong with your face' look; it made him laugh, which was weird because Cartman hardly ever laughed, unless someone was being sentenced to life in prison. He looked over and Kyle was cheesing crazily, holding up his phone.

"Are you recording this, Jew?" he asked irritably.

"Yessir, general fatass." Kyle saluted.

"Well record this." He flicked off the camera. Kyle gasped.

"Not in front of the baby, fatass!" Cartman's face scrunched up.

"Oh so he can call me fatass, but I can't throw up my middle finger, huh?" He asked the baby seriously. "Your mommy's a weird one." He told him. Kyle beamed.

"His mommy?" Cartman looked at him confused and then realized what he'd said. He'd lost.

"Well I sure as hell ain't nobody's mommy." He looked at the grinning baby in his arms.

"You'll call me Cartman!" Kyle scrunched up his nose.

"He's not calling you Cartman. I just now got out of that habit." Cartman considered.

"Well I guess I'm okay with Daddy too." Cartman kept his face at eye level with the baby's. Kyle grinned at Laura, who bumped her fist with his own.

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**So should I continue on? Originally I was going to continue, but people are saying it's good as it is... Should I continue guys? Please and Thanks~**


	2. You forgot!

**Sup guys and gals! I'm back with a new Chocolate Pudding! A couple things I wanted to adress: 1) This chap is like super long for some reason... Sorries! 2) I've gotten a bunch of pms asking where I got the name from, well here's the answer: I actually started this story as an idea for a manga (not with Eric and Kyle but two random characters I created.) I was gonna write and draw and all that chizz, but I'm lazy and never got around to it. Anyway in the story the baby was found in an empty box by the dumpster. The box was for: you guessed it! some random off brand chocolate pudding cups that were bought in bulk. **

**Anywhoozles~ I love you guys and your comments! PLEASE CONTINUE TO COMMENT! I thrive off those things! Any questions or concerns you may have will defiantly be addressed! There is no such thing as a dumb question or an unhelpful criticism in my book! I promise! Much love! Please enjoy!**

******Quick heads up: this chapter has major M rated material so.. don't have your angry parents picketing my house! I will eat them! **

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Eric and Kyle were in the car on their way home from visiting the hospital. Eric was driving, trying to remain still-faced even though he had a huge goofy grin plastered in his heart. They were seriously thinking of adopting a kid. He'd never wanted kids. He didn't like normal people, let alone kids. But that little sponge of pink fluff was different. Eric could hardly wait to see how the little asshole turned out. Kyle would never know that though. Yeah they might be married, but Eric still had an image to keep up. So he contained his excitement and drove stone-faced as if he were contemplating the mysteries of life.

Kyle on the other hand couldn't contain his excitement if he tried. He was bouncing happily in the front passenger seat next to Eric like a rabbit on cocaine. He couldn't believe that he'd gotten the fatass to agree! But there were still challenges to be fought. One: the baby's mother could be found. Even though it concerned Kyle to the point of no return, he knew that if the mother wanted to keep him, there was nothing they could do about it. On the other hand, it'd be nice to have him grow up in a more normal environment. Besides that, Kyle still had to explain the situation to their friends and family. And then there was his mother. Kyle grimaced at the thought. His mother threw an absolute fit when he told her that he was homosexual, she practically had a heart attack when she found out that he and Eric were dating, and she literally picketed their wedding, sitting in the front row of the cathedral with a sign that said: I AM AGAINST THIS MARRIAGE. Thankfully the priest had gladly skipped over the, "If anyone is against this union, speak now or forever hold your peace" part of the ceremony.

Kyle sighed heavily. He hadn't seen his mother at all this year, ever since Eric hurled a frozen turkey through her car window when he found out she refused to invite Kyle to Thanksgiving last November. That was well over half a year ago considering it was July. July 1st to be exact.

Kyle's thoughtful demeanor changed swiftly to utter chaos and panic.

_OH SHIT!_

He glanced quickly at Eric from the corner of his eye. It was his birthday!

_AND THEIR ANNIVERSARY! OHFUCKINGSHIT! How the hell could he forget his own anniversary? And his husbands' birthday? He was so screwed! Calm down_. _A lot of stuff happened today; maybe he'll let it go. But this is the second year in a row, he is sooooo gonna flip! _

Kyle tried to stop looking at Eric, but his nervousness became obvious as he continuously glanced at the boy only to swing his head back the other way, like he had a Tweek tic.

"Oh so I guess you finally remembered." Eric chuckled at the sight. Kyle tensed. He hated the way Cartman saw right through him.

"Calm down Jew, I know today's been rough. I'm not gonna bitch." Eric briefly took his eyes off the road to give Kyle a calm smile. It creeped him out.

"It's** only** my birthday. I'll have another one next year sometime, right? Ya know, unless I get hit by a bus tomorrow or something. No biggie. Oh yeah, and it's **only **the second year out of the three years we've been married that you forgot our anniversary." Kyle felt himself sink further into the car seat, trying to hide from Eric's depressingly calm tone mixed in perfectly with his overly sarcastic remarks. "Even though it was **your** idea to get married on **my** birthday, so that** I** wouldn't forget. It's funny how things work out. Doncha think, Khyle?" Eric turned and smiled again, this one bigger than the last. Kyle felt several stabs from the daggers of guilt the larger man had been shooting at him.

"Eric…" He swerved between two eighteen wheelers. Kyle held on to the door handle for dear life.

_This is how I die._ He thought pitifully. Kyle glanced at the speedometer. Cartman was flying down the street doing 88, running every red light they passed. Where the hell were the cops when you wanted them?

"Eric, I know you're upset but really, you need to slow the fuck down."

"You wanna know the worst park Khyle?" Cartman ignored him, his eyes completely off the road and staring down Kyle, a slight quiver in his voice.

"ABC Family was playing a 'The Sound of Music' marathon and we've missed the first three airings!" The larger boy sobbed tearlessly, his face buried in the steering wheel. Kyle felt his face go red.

"You retard! Don't fuck with me like that! I thought you were really pissed!" Kyle threw a heated glance at his husband. Cartman's sobs were replaced by a hearty 'I totally got you' laugh.

"I should be an actor! Your face was priceless!" Kyle groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Jeeze, fucking fatass always screwing around." He had to admit he was relieved though. Eric's laugh calmed as he eased off the accelerator and slowed to a comfortable 34mph.

"I am irritated, don't get me wrong. I mean, who would want their husband to forget not only their birthday, but also their wedding anniversary two years in a row?" He sighed and shook his head, muttering something about terrible Jew memory. "But you were saving a kid from a dumpstery death. I guess I can let it go this time." Kyle smiled warmly at him. He felt bad about all the trash talk he remembered saying about Eric before they got married. He was actually a good man, and Kyle felt lucky to have him, even though he was an asshole sometimes.

"I'm sorry I forgot again." Kyle shifted guiltily in his seat.

"It's not like I really expected you to remember. I really wanted to surprise you. But you and your goddamn helpful Jewish ways ruined that plan." Eric grinned, taking one hand off the steering wheel to tousle Kyle's cherry colored curls playfully. He giggled.

"So you forgive me?" Kyle asked sweetly, taking his hand from his hair and kissing the brunette's knuckles.

"Nope."

"Whhhyyy noooot?" Kyle whined. Eric's face grew stern.

"Because I forgave you too easily last time, and it happened again." He smirked. "If you want to teach a Jew to obey, you must be strict with him. And so shall I be." Kyle raised his eyebrow in curiosity.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" he asked. Eric threw him a wicked grin.

"Just a little training."

~O~

As soon as they'd reinterred the garage and parked, Eric had his lips on Kyle's. Kyle accepted the kiss, graciously wrapping his hands around Eric's shoulders.

"To the apartment, Jew!" Eric shouted suddenly causing an echo through the silent garage.

"Eric, why are you yelling at this time of ni-" his sentence was cut off and replaced by his short but loud yelp from the surprise attack Eric's palm launched on his right buttock. Eric was grinning from ear to ear watching as Kyle scowled but obeyed, heading towards the elevator. Once inside, he grabbed the young Jew's thin wrists and placed them back around his neck.

"Kiss me again." He commanded. Before he could refute, Kyle felt Eric's big, warm hand slide under his black, heavy metal t-shirt. His fingers trailed softly up Kyle's torso, flicking his nipples roughly causing the young red-head to flinch. Again, he did as he was told, standing on his tiptoes to reach Eric's hungry lips. By the time they reached their floor, they were a heated mess of hands and lips. Eric's tongue shoved down Kyle's hot throat, claiming his dominance off the bat. Kyle's fingers ran through the brunettes' soft mat of hair. The doors had opened but neither of the two seemed affected.

"E-hem." An amused voice rang out. Kyle glanced over, leaving Eric to trail kisses and tiny bites down the side of his ear and neck.

"Hey Kenny, Stan. What's up?" Kyle asked out of breath, not bothering to stop Eric so that he could have a normal conversation.

Kenny was leaning on the elevator door, holding them open. He was grinning ear to ear. His normally shaggy blonde hair hung past his shoulders in a sleek artistic ponytail. His icy blue eyes were settled cheerfully behind his dark rimmed glasses. He didn't need them for seeing he just thought he looked good in them, which of course he did. Honestly Kenny could look good in a garbage bag although that was a major improvement from what he did have on; black slacks and a low, green v-neck sweater.

Stan was leaning against Kenny, his arm resting on the slightly taller man's shoulder pinching the bridge of his nose. Stan's raven locks reached well past his ear and landed softly around his jawbone. His dark blue eyes had darkened more in the later years, so much that they appeared almost black. He wore a simple blue and black striped sweater and dark blue Levis . He was good looking as well, in the boy next door sort of way.

"Why don't you guys ever go home and do it? You're always in somebody's hallway or elevator or car." Stan groaned at the mental images. Kyle giggled as Eric's voice rumbled in his ear; _don't knock it till you've tried it._

Kenny rolled his eyes and pulled the two out of the elevator, smiling when they looked back at him confused. He grabbed Stan's wrist, tugging him inside and pressed the close doors button.

"Good idea fatass." He smirked, pushing a distressed looking Stan against the back wall of the enclosed elevator as the doors shut.

Kyle nearly passed out laughing when they heard Stan shout, "Goddamnit Kenny! It hasn't even been an hour!" Eric chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Those two are insane."

"Yeah, but I'm glad we didn't have to split up the group. It's nice having them living in the same building. Thanks for helping them out, with the rent and stuff." Kyle beamed. Eric shrugged. They walked hand in hand back to their apartment.

Once inside, Eric chased Kyle back to their room, grinning gratefully when Kyle jumped on the bed, ready for pouncing. He climbed on the bed, his eyes hungrily eyeing the slight bulge in Kyle's pants. He flicked his tongue on the red-heads eager lips, sending a slight shiver up his spine.

Eric gleamed, pulling the Jew's shirt off in one swoop then turned to snatch at Kyle's fly, ripping the button off his tight Khaki spandex pants.

"Goddamnit Eric, that's the second pair this-" again Kyle was caught mid sentence, watching in terror as Eric snapped open a silver pair of handcuffs from inside the nightstand beside the bed.

"No way in hell. Not ever again!" Kyle snapped at Eric who seemed unphased.

"Damnit, Eric you know how much I hate those-" Eric growled, ignoring Kyle's endless nagging. Snapping one of the handcuff chains around Kyle's slender wrist, Eric grinned at the boy's sudden silence.

_He wouldn't!_ Kyle thought, looking back at his husband, wild-eyed with fear.

"I know what you're thinking and yes, I would." Eric smiled evilly. The other end of the cuffs slunk around a metal beam on the headboard then twisted around Kyle's other wrist. Kyle struggled, trying to set his arms free but to no avail.

"Fatass, if you don't-" again he was cut off; Eric's mouth was on his in a matter of seconds. He rustled around the drawers of the nightstand again this time pulling out a strip of thick leather hanging on either side of a medium-sized red ball. He showed it proudly to Kyle. The redhead shuddered at the memories that surrounded that little menacing red ball.

"Do I need to use this, Khyle?" the smaller man shook his head immediately _no._ but continued to shoot daggers through his eyes at the larger boy.

"Then shut your goddamn face!" Eric flashed a wicked grin. "Or better yet, let's find another use for that pretty little Jew mouth of yours." Kyle felt his face go red.

Eric licked his lips, going back in for more kisses. Kyle felt himself buck his hips as Eric's hands explored his body. He paused briefly, probably wondering why neither of them was naked at this point, then all but ripped Kyle's khakis off his pale legs. He then proceeded to snatch his own shirt off and unbutton his jeans.

Kyle took in the sight, wondering to himself when Cartman got so hot. Somewhere around seventh grade, he remembered. _Oh yeah, cause he came in from Christmas break about thirty pounds lighter. He wore that black tee-shirt with the talking cupcakes on it…_ Kyle was in such a trance he hardly noticed Eric's erected penis swaying in front of his face. Without missing a beat Kyle opened up offering Eric's cock entrance into his mouth.

"Hungry, Jew?" he teased throwing him a questioning eyebrow.

"Buck Ahr Fabad~(_Fuck off fatass_)" he shot back, sucking erotically on the now throbbing member.

Eric felt himself twitch as the young Jew sucked his cock like a vacuüm.

"Shit, Khyle." He groaned, pushing completely into Kyle's mouth, causing him to gag. Green eyes were instantly on his. He knew Kyle hated when he did that, but he couldn't resist; the bastard was just too good. He threw Kyle a half-hearted apologetic smile earning himself a soft nip at his shaft and an eye roll. It wasn't long before Kyle's mouth was salty with precum.

Eric slid his hand down the front of Kyle's tight boxers. The redhead moaned in appreciation, hastening his pace on the member in his mouth. Kyle's brow furrowed with concentration as Eric's hand shifted to a faster pace.

"Shit. I'm gonna-" He groaned as Kyle twitched beneath him.

"Lee who~ (Me too)" Eric felt himself tense as he spilled into Kyle's mouth. Kyle came shortly after, spilling out over his boxers and Eric's hand which the brunette happily licked clean only to kiss Kyle, letting him taste himself. It used to creep the redhead out, but eventually he realized that accepting Eric also meant accepting his strange kinks, and trust, this was the least harmful of the many.

Eric put two of his massive fingers in Kyle's sticky mouth. Kyle coated them with a slobbery concoction of both their cum and spit. Cartman pulled his hand away, watching intrigued as a long slippery line trailed off his fingers back to Kyle's mouth.

He bent down to kiss the fiery redhead as he inserted both his fingers in his unnaturally tight hole. Kyle gasped and cringed.

"Shit..." he hissed adjusting to the distinctively unusual feeling. Kyle felt Eric's large fingers probe around his insides pausing briefly every so often to let him adapt. A few seconds later Kyle's vision was obscured by a blinding light and his breath was cut off. He heard himself gasp and Eric chuckled. He groaned, inserting another finger and pressing softly at Kyle's sweet spot.

"Shit, put it in already fatass!" Kyle moaned. Eric slid his fingers out and pressed his re-hardened member at Kyle's entrance. He paused, mulling it over. Kyle looked at him questioning.

"What's with the snappiness Khyle? I thought we fixed that sandy vagina problem you had before." Kyle's eyes grew dark.

"Eric, you know very well how much I hate your random sadist kinks. The worst is when you restrict my movements. I've told you this. Yet here I am, once again, handcuffed to the bed." His voice grew more irritated with each word. "I'll give you some advice, so listen up." The brunettes' eyes grew wide with interest. Kyle's emerald orbs bore holes into his own.

"You'd better fuck me till I faint, fatass; cause if I get loose, it'll be your ass. Literally." The Jew's gaze was unwavering. Eric had to fight back the urge to laugh.

"I just wanted a simple 'please', but I guess that'll work too." he chuckled and inserted himself into Kyle's tight entrance. Both he and Kyle groaned at the contact. He stopped moving; not just for Kyle but himself too. He was seconds away from blowing his load into Kyle's snug hole. When both he and Kyle had regained themselves he continued thrusting slowly in and out of Kyle's entrance.

"Fuck, Khyle." Eric moaned. Kyle growled and hissed in response.

"Harder." Kyle instructed. Eric did as told and pushed himself in harder and started gaining speed. _Where was it again?_ Eric asked himself. Suddenly Kyle's body shivered and convulsed. _Found it. _He pressed the spot again and Kyle threw his head back, muttering swears under his breath and gasping. He hit again softly before leaning over Kyle's thin frame and pounding away, stretching the sensitive skin of his asshole with each thrust.

It wasn't too long before both men were panting heavily, spilling their seed onto the others stomach.

"Fuck..." Eric moaned, exhaustedly reaching around the smaller mans frame to undo the cuffs that bound him. Once Kyle's wrists were loose Eric plopped dramatically on the mattress next to him, his snores of contentment echoing throughout the room instantly. Kyle shook his head and smiled despite himself.

"Jeeze Eric, you're such a hopeless romantic." he sighed, rubbing his aching wrists. A loud prffffft sounded through the room.

"Are you fucking serious? Sick bastard!" Kyle shouted hitting the lump of unusable flesh he calls his husband over the head with the closest pillow.

"Oh my god, Eric! You smell!" Kyle shouted leaping from the bed, only to be pulled backwards and shoved under the covers. Eric laughed maliciously as Kyle struggled to wrench free of his grasp.

"Shhh Kyle. It's okay. It's okay." he cooed as he rubbed Kyle's forehead calmly as the redhead stopped resisting.

"You are NEVER watching Family Guy again." Kyle ordered, sounding nasily with his fingers pinching his nose.

"What does it matter now, I've got all the necessary material." Eric gleamed, pulling Kyle closer to him beneath the sheets.

"It doesn't even smell that bad, Jew." Eric grunted, looping his fingers around Kyle's cherry curls.

"You forget fatass, I have the huge Jew nose and my Jew magic makes my senses ten times that of a normal human." Eric laughed heartily for the second time that day.

"Oh yeah. I completely forgot about your Jew magic. Where the hell did I get that from anyway?" He turned Kyle around so they were looking each other in the eye.

"If I questioned where half the shit you came up with came from, I'd be in someone's history book under 'worlds greatest philosopher'." He rolled his eyes. Eric laughed more and snuggled into Kyle's mess of curls.

"You smell good."

"I thought I smelled like Jew? Jew and your fart." Kyle scowled.

"Well I think my fart is a bit more prominent cause I can't smell the Jew on you anymore. You smell like me." He grinned in Kyle's hair.

"How sweet. Now I smell like your farts instead of Jew." Kyle rolled his eyes but settled in Eric's chest, feeling daintily along his massive pecks.

"You should get a tattoo. Right here." he said calmly.

"What should I get?" he asked.

"A huge black swastika." he offered. Eric laughed.

"What?" Kyle laughed back.

"A Jew is telling me to get a swastika tattoo. And of all Jews, my Jew. It's crazy!" Kyle thought about it. There was a time where he would've been hurt if Cartman so much as drew a swastika, but now it was almost like a symbol of their relationship. He shrugged.

"Either that or a unicorn flying out of a rainbow coloured heart."

"That sounds so... FABULOUS~" Eric sang. Kyle groaned and laughed.

"I hate your gay guy voice... It's absolutely atrocious!"

"Well I learned from the besth Khylie baby~" Eric continued. "Big Gay Al saysth this voicthe is like, stho sthuper~" he lisped. It made Kyle's skin crawl.

"Oh my god stop!" Kyle moaned laughing.

"Iz theiz betta Jhew?" German voice.

"Croykey! Is this a betta sound there mate?" Austrailian.

"Oh my God they killed Kenny!" Stan.

"Kyle, bubbla you're gonna have to call your mother sometime." His mom. Kyle waved his hands in defeat.

"Okay Eric, that will never not be creepy. For the life of me I don't understand why your mother put you in all those vocal training classes." Kyle paused thinking. "And you STILL don't say my name right! What the hell? Do you do that on purpose?" Eric shrugged.

"I dunno, I've never tried to say it right. It looses the flavor." Kyle looked into his eyes.

"Come on Eric. Say it. Say it out loud." The brunette rolled his eyes.

"No more Twilight Jew. Fine. Kyle." Kyle's heart jumped in his throat.

"Again."

"Kyle."

"Again."

"Alright asshole, how long is this going on for?" Eric scowled.

"Just seven more times and I'm good for the rest of the year." Eric rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Kyle." he kissed his forehead.

"Kyle." he kissed his temple.

"Kyle." he kissed his neck.

"Kyle." he kissed his chin.

"Kyle." he kissed the tip of his nose.

"Kyle." he kissed his lips softly. Wrapping his arms around Kyle's thin frame beneath the covers making sure the Jew felt how fast his heart was beating.

"Kyle. I love you." Kyle grinned happily, feeling himself start to drift off to sleep in the warm caring arms of his husband. He yawned.

"I lied. I need more." Eric chuckled.

"Too bad. Time to sleep."

"Okay." he yawned again.

"And Eric?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you too."

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**Okay, yeah it's 100% Kraft Cheese to the 9000th power but I couldn't resist~ **

**COMMENT! :O**


	3. Who's baby?

**YO TRICKS! I BEESE UP IN THIS BE-HOTCH GIVIN YOU ANOTHA FAN-FIC! WHUTWHUT! lmao! *fail* I can't be gangster no matter how hard I try.. too much wannabe gayguy in my blood~ lol! But as my alter-ego was saying, I gots a new chapter for you guyses! I hope you like it!**

**Shoutouts:**

_**symphknot/idontdanceigrind/southparkgirl101**_**- I love you guys unconditionally! I love seeing your names on my comment board! You always have positive and or constructive things to say and honestly, I can't thank you enough!**

**XMistressChaosx- your comments made me laugh out loud! I love you already! Oh wait, you're not supposed to be here.. Oh well~ :3**

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"Are you sure this is what you want to do Kyle? I mean, a baby is a huge responsibility and god knows taking care of Cartman is job enough…" Kyle rolled his eyes at Stan.

He knew his friend only meant well but honestly he'd heard no words of encouragement from him yet. They were sitting in the bar, drinking beers and talking about the past few days.

"I just mean, with owning the bar and still working at your dads office it would be a lot to handle right? Plus Cartman's still working full time and jeeze Kyle, it's like you'll be juggling twelve things at once." Stan sighed.

He knew he wasn't being very helpful, he just wanted his friend to take a look at every possible outcome before jumping headfirst into this. Not that Kyle wasn't practical, it's just when he got cornered he tended to just take the dive. That is, after all how he ended up with Cartman. Kyle chuckled to himself while Stan sipped his beer and looked at him suspiciously.

"What?" he asked Kyle.

"It's just weird. After all these years everyone still calls him Cartman. You know, when we were at the hospital the other day, he told the baby to call him Cartman?" Kyle laughed and Stan smirked.

"Yeah I was recording it you wanna see?" Kyle took out his phone before Stan had the chance to answer. He handed the raven haired boy the phone and stood over him watching along.

There Cartman was, holding the baby in hospital garb.

_"Are you recording this, Jew?"_

_"Yessir, general fatass."_ Kyle's disembodied voice said. Stan chuckled.

_"Well record this."_Cartman's thick finger flicked off the camera.

"He's been hanging around Craig hasn't he?" Stan asked. Kyle laughed.

_"Not in front of the baby, fatass!"_ Cartman looked at him confused then looked down at the baby.

_"Oh so he can call me fatass, but I can't throw up my middle finger, huh? Your mommy's a weird one."_ He told him.

"His mommy?" Stan asked sarcastically.

_"His mommy?"_ Kyle's voice asked. Cartman had a brief look of confusion then recognition.

_"Well I sure as hell ain't nobody's mommy. You'll call me Cartman!"_ Stan laughed again. Kyle's voice groaned.

_"He is not calling you Cartman! I just now got out of that habit."_

_"Well I guess I'm okay with Daddy too."_

Kyle took back his phone, grinning. Stan sighed in defeat. If Kyle had even tricked the fatass into agreeing, there was nothing he could possibly ever say or do to change the determined redhead's mind.

"You'd better tell Kenny. He's gonna be pissed if he finds out you told me first. You know he likes this kinda shit." Stan grinned. Kyle looked confused.

"Oh he already knows. He says since you got to be my best man, he get's to be the godfather." Stan looked appalled.

"You told Kenny first? How could you? I'm your best friend!" Stan looked ready to cry. Kyle laughed.

"I'm joking dumbass! You talk about Kenny, you're much worst!" Kyle laughed and sent a message to Kenny asking for him to meet the two at the bar.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the hospital to see him tomorrow, you wanna go with? Eric can't make it, he's got court in the morning." Kyle asked without looking up.

"Why don't you ask his Godfather." Stan pouted. Kyle snickered.

"I was going to, if you can't make it." Stan groaned.

"You're so cruel these days Kyle! It's that damned Cartman, rubbing off on you!" Kyle chuckled.

"Dude, you have no idea." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in distaste.

"TMI bro, TMI." Kyle laughed and hopped off the barstool heading toward the door.

"Kenny says he's right outside. Okay, we're gonna pretend like I'm telling you for the first time so act like you did before." Kyle ordered. Stan nodded.

"Sup dude. Hey babe." Kenny walked in ruffling Kyle's hair and kissing Stan on the cheek.

"Kenny, sit down." Kenny looked confused but sat on a stool near Stan.

"What the hell? Is this another intervention? Cause honestly, twice a year is more than enough for a simple smoking habit." Kyle laughed and Stan sighed.

"I'm telling you, it's not healthy!" Kenny groaned.

"What the hell does it matter? I die every other day!"

"That's not the point!"

"Guys! Guys!" The two continued arguing "Shut up!" Kyle screamed. They went quiet.

"God, you two are worst than me and Eric! Now shut the hell up! I have something to say!" Kyle folded his arms in front of his chest and sighed.

"We're gonna have a baby. Kenny, you're the godfather." Kenny looked bewildered.

"Wait? How far along are you? When did you find out? Whose baby?" he looked at Stan angrily. "It better not be yours!" Stan scoffed and Kyle face palmed.

"How the hell would it be mine? I'm too damn tired to knock someone up after being with you all night! If anyone's it's probably yours!" Kenny considered then calmed down.

"Right. It's not mine right? When'd you find out?" Kenny asked Kyle seriously, placing an arm around Stan.

"Kenny. I'M A GUY! How the hell would I be pregnant? And if I was pregnant, why would you not assume it was my HUSBANDS child?" He sighed.

"Oh. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you and the fatass got married… SINCE I WASN'T THE BEST MAN!" His eye twitched and he settled back on his seat.

"That, my dear Kenneth, is why you're the Godfather of our child." Kyle said calmly, ignoring Stan's pouting. Kenny considered then looked at him, confused.

"Wait? Who's kid?" Kyle and Stan face palmed again.

"Oh my God, why the hell are you so stupid? I found a baby, abandoned on my way home from work the other day. The hospital say's he's perfectly healthy and they're putting him up for adoption. Eric and I are the first applicants and probably more qualified than anyone else. Stan has not impregnated me and neither have you." Kenny thought about it for a while.

"Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, taking care of a kid is a big responsibility and you have the bar and are working at your dads firm. Then there's fatass to take into consideration. He's like a job by himself." Kenny answered seriously. Neither Kyle nor Stan had been expecting that. They looked at each other then burst into laughter. Kenny looked at them confused.

"God Stan, what did you do to him?" Kyle laughed holding onto the side of the bar for support.

"Oh shit! I can't breathe!" Stan cried.

"What the fuck is so funny?" Kenny asked irritated. Kyle sighed and wiped a tear from his eye.

"I'm- I'm sorry Ken, it's just…" he convulsed in laughter again. Stan didn't even try to explain.

"Oh shit, Ken!" He kissed him on the forehead. "I just love you!" Stan laughed and patted Kyle on the back.

"I gotta get back to work. Ask him about tomorrow, he deserves it." Kyle continued laughing, but managed a weak, "Okay, bye Stan!" Kenny rolled his eyes and went behind the bar, helping himself to a free beer.

"You two are stupid." He said, taking a sip.

"Oh my God Kenny, you're hysterical!" Kyle said, calming down. Kenny rolled his eyes, deciding not to harp on the inside joke he still didn't get.

"So what's happening tomorrow?"

"I'm going to the hospital to see the baby. You wanna come with? Eric has court."

"Yeah sure. I don't have anything to do tomorrow." Kenny grinned at Kyle. "Sooooo… Let me see the pictures of my Godkid! I know you have some!" Kyle cheesed.

"Oh my God, Kenny! I even have this video of Eric with the baby, its sooo cute! I'm thinking of posting it on facebook and letting him hate me for a year!" Kenny squealed.

"O-M-G! SHOW ME!" The two men giggled and laughed and went through Kyle's photo album.

~o~

"Kyle! You did not put that video of us at the hospital on facebook!" Cartman's voice roared through the receiver of Kyle's cellphone. He stated it, more than asked. Kyle sighed and flipped through the magazine he'd been looking at.

"No, but I was thinking of it. Since we weren't really supposed to be there, I changed my mind. Lucky you."

"Good then. So... how has your day been?"

"Just fine, honey. How has yours been?"

"Great! I sent two badguys to jail for life and it's not even lunchtime!" He said, sounding like a little kid playing superhero.

"That's great sweetheart! What did the badguys do?" Kyle said, like a mom who's kid was playing superhero.

"Well one was a coach and molested all the boys on his team-"

"How awful!"

"I know right! He was easy to take down. A perverted old bastard with videos and recordings and pictures everywhere. It made me want to punch the shit out of him."

"I hope you didn't."

"Ehh... I got a quick lick in when security took him away."

"That's not legal, Eric." Kyle reprimanded. Cartman ignored him and went on.

"And the other one shot a pregnant lady during a robbery. The baby and lady survived but I played my cards right.. Got him on two accounts of attempted murder, armed robbery and taking a hostage!"

"It's great the lady and her baby are fine. Good thing you got the bad guys hon, I'm proud." Kyle heard a faint voice in the background.

"Your dad says hi." Ike was in the background whispering, 'me too! tell him i said hi too!'

"Ike says hi. Your mom growls angrily in the background, not speaking and being a bitch." In the background a familiar shouting took over.

_"Eric Cartman, watch your mouth! Young people are so disrespectful..."_

"Annnnd now she's throwing a bitch-fit. Look Khyle I gotta go. Tell the kid I said, 'Whudup~'"

"Okay. Tell everyone I said hi. And Eric, play nice."

"Yeah yeah..."

"Bye."

"Bye." Kyle hung up the phone and smiled to himself.

"Talkin to fatass?" Kenny asked coming back from the bathroom.

"Yup. Who were you fucking?" Kyle asked the blonde without looking up. Kenny scoffed.

"I can't believe you would think-"

"Cut the crap Kenny. Now was it the nurse with the brown hair and the short skirt or the doctor with the blue eyes and the shaved mustache? Both of them walked out of the mens bathroom looking a little too pleased with themselves." Kenny grinned.

"I didn't do anything. They decided to jump me while I was taking a whizz. He swallowed. She didn't." Kyle shook his head and looked at the blonde disapprovingly.

"Stan's gonna get sick of you one of these days. He's gonna leave and you'll regret this slutty personality of yours." Kenny whined.

"But Kyyyyle~"

"No buts Kenny. Except yours when Stan leaves you for good and kicks you out on your butt." The redhead continued to flip through his magazine while Kenny pouted in the seat next to him.

"Hey Kyle! You back so soon?" a familiar voice sang to the boys.

"Hi Laura! How've you been?"

"Me? I've been fan-fucking-tabulous and how about yourself?" she said cheerfully.

"Oh, well I've been good. I dunno if its that great." They both laughed.

"This is my good friend Kenny. He's a whore so don't fall for his shit."

"Way to cock-block Kyle." Laura laughed and shook Kenny's hand.

"Oh my god, you don't know the half of it." Kenny groaned.

"So you two here to see the baby?" Laura asked.

"Yep." Kyle answered simply.

"Have you even thought of a name? Or are we just gonna keep calling him baby?" Kyle looked at Kenny.

"How about InuYasha?"

"What the hell?" Kyle responded instantly.

"Ummm no." Laura said bluntly.

"Why? I thought it was really cute too."

"That really makes me question your sanity, Ken."

"Whatever. You're just mad cause I couldn't name you Inuyasha."

"Yeah. That's probably what's been biting my butt since childhood. I always knew there was an empty hole in my heart that seemed unfillable. Now I know why." Kyle drawled sarcastically and Laura laughed.

"You guys are crazy! Come on, I'll sneak you in." Laura said, ushering the two through the front entry, earning a look of disapproval from the black secretary at the front desk."

"So, baby Inuyasha has been doing quite well." Laura smirked looking back at them briefly, still walking. "He's really vocal but doesn't cry as much as the other babies. Mostly just screaming at the top of his little lungs. He's almost always got some sort of grin on his face, he's really learning fast. He shouldn't even be able to control the muscles in his face like that until he's around a month or so." They entered the room Kyle had been in with Cartman before.

"If you guys could just wash your hands real good, you can come on in." she smiled and her blonde ponytail flipped as she bounced around the room. "I had you dressed all up before because we were still running tests on him, but he's all clear now."

She opened the door leading into his room and grinned. Once Kyle and Kenny had washed their hands, they headed down the small hallway to where Laura was standing at the door.

"Hi there, buddy!" Kyle said locking eyes with the newborn immediately upon entering the room. The boy screeched a happy hello and wiggled around in his bassinette.

"Seems like he remembers you, Kyle! That's great!" Laura cooed from the other end of the room. Kyle walked over to the baby and picked him up naturally, landing a soft kiss on his forehead. Staring at Kyle, the baby grinned again and allowed himself to be held. Kenny walked over to the pair as Kyle sat in a rocking chair that had been placed by the window.

"Let me see, 'im Kyle!" the blonde grinned standing behind Kyle. The baby glanced up at the unfamiliar man. His face scrunched up. Kyle snickered and Kenny scoffed.

"What the hell kinda face is that, brat? Just when I was thinkin you were kinda cute…" Kyle laughed and the baby grinned as if he were aware he'd just pissed the blonde off.

"Oh my God, Kyle, those eyes." Kenny whispered.

"I know right." Kyle said placing a finger on the baby's forehead and watching his eyes follow the unfamiliar object.

"They're almost creepy." Kenny chuckled.

"You're creepy." Kyle shot back halfheartedly.

"Your daddy says 'whud up kid'." Kyle told the baby.

"Tell him I said whut's good." Kenny voiced from behind the chair. Kyle laughed.

"Is there anything else you want to say, baby?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could buy Kenny a Mcflurry on the way home."

"Kenny's a grown man. He doesn't a: need me to buy him a mcflurry or b: need to eat one. Those things have calories up the ass."

"But moooooooooooooom…" 'Baby' whined without moving his lips.

"No buts. Kenny can get his own Mcflurry. And he can stop cheating on your uncle Stan." Kenny jumped up from behind the chair and spoke in his regular voice.

"Why you tellin him that, Kyle? Now he's gonna think I'm a bad person!"

"But you are a bad person, Ken." Kyle said bluntly.

"I know, but he don't have to know that!"

"He could tell just by lookin at your face! Aint that right, sweetheart?"

"To hell with you Kyle! To hell, I say!" Kenny went on dramatically. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Shut up. My kid's tryin to sleep." Kyle growled. Kenny mumbled something about assholes.

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**Nothing really happened in this chap... but I thought it was cute anyway~ lol! Love me some Kenny! His personality is sooooo fun to play around with! Please comment! **


	4. Bacon makes the world go round

**I'm soooo sorry I haven't uploaded in like a month.. Doom on me! T_T LOL! I hope you guys like it. This chap is a bit dramatic, I've been watching a LOT of daytime television lately. That includes the soaps! Comment and all that chizz! **

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The day had finally come. Kyle stood outside his family home, the home he hadn't been to in over a year and took a deep breath. He wore a simple green button up under a black blazer with matching black jeans. He didn't know why he'd felt the need to dress up to impress his mother, but it couldn't hurt right. Cartman had pleaded with him not to go alone, but he'd refuted, reminding him of the last time he'd brought Cartman along to have a talk with his mother. He'd hit five squirrels, two trees and a fire hydrant and that was on the way there. Even though he knew he'd be of no real help- Kyle really wished he'd let him come. He was nervous to say the least and his palms were sweating. He walked up the stairs and immediately pressed the doorbell, knowing that if he hesitated for even a moment he'd change his mind. There was a brief pause before the door opened cautiously.

"Hey… Ma." Kyle said, forcing a smile in a weak attempt to calm his nerves. Sheila Broflovski looked her son over and rolled her eyes, not responding to his greeting and walking back in the kitchen.

"Gerald! Someone is here for you!" Kyle's smile never faltered. Although his irritation was rising speedily, he refused to let it show. He gripped the edges of his shirt and continued calmly.

"Actually I need to speak with both of you ma. It won't take long, but it's really important."

"Bring Ike down as well, Gerald! This person says he wants both of you!" Kyle sighed, dropping the plastered on smile and rubbing his eyebrows irritably. He chuckled out of pure frustration. It was like this every time he'd tried to talk to her. He could tell that this wasn't going to be easy.

"Ma, I need to speak with both you and dad. It won't take long, but this is really important." He repeated, hoping the simplicity in his voice would calm his mother down. She never looked up at him but continued scuttling around the kitchen, grabbing different utensils and ignoring him. Kyle could feel his patience running thin.

"Ma! I'm telling you that I want to tell you something! This is important! Why are you being like this?" He pleaded, hoping to get some kind of reaction from her. Once again she never looked up and instead busied herself with chopping up random vegetables on the countertop. Kyle heard his father and brother coming down the stairs.

"Hey Kyle! I didn't know you'd be here!" Ike went to throw a loving arm around his brother when he noticed his mother's glare hot on his neck. He paused, awkwardly retreating but giving Kyle an apologetic shrug as he pulled back.

"Sheila, don't you think that we should hear our son out if he has something to speak to us about?" Kyle's father patted his shoulder reassuringly and spoke calmly to his wife. "He says it's important." He added in, a bit more authority in his voice. She didn't seem phased. She continued chopping her carrots and ignoring them all.

"Why would he need to speak with me? Obviously my opinion doesn't mean anything to him. My son would have never decided to become a homosexual and relinquish his faith to marry that boorish, cruel, vicious little bastard- Eric Cartman. Especially if he knew that he would risk loosing me for it. I want nothing more to do with that strange man over there. He is no son of mine."

"Mom!" Ike shouted defensively, rage flaring behind his soft grey eyes.

"Sheila! How could you say-" his father piped in. Kyle stopped him with a wave of his hand. He shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake believing that she could accept him after all this time of making it obvious that she didn't approve of anything he did.

"It's fine. If she doesn't want to be a part of my life then that's fine by me. I'm tired of this back and forth with her anyway." Kyle closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead exhaustedly. He heard his mother scoff and his eyes flew open. Rage flared inside him and he had to contain himself for fear of punching something. What did she know- about anything he'd been through? It's not like one day he just said- _hey I wonder what I can do to piss off my mom and probably ruin my relationship with her forever?_ He'd done everything in his power to keep them together even though she was the main thing tearing them apart. Something hit him like a brick to the face. An epiphany- _You don't have to keep fighting her. Just let it go. Let it all go._

"I'm tired." He said softly, finally earning enough attention from his mother for her to look up.

"Well, I hope you don't think you're sleeping here, cause there's no way-"

"I'm tired." He repeated, louder, cutting her off. "And I'm frustrated. And I'm pissed as hell. But I'm not surprised." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed loudly.

"Shouldn't I be? Surprised? I'm not though. Maybe that's why I kept coming back. I was just waiting for you to say it. To finally hear it come from your mouth. That you hate me, that you're disgusted by me, that I'm no child of yours. It hurts, you know." He leaned on the counter beside his mother and watched her. Her eyes flowed with confusion but the anger seemed to subside. "To know that your own mother hates you. Doesn't matter how long you've known it. I've known for years. Still hurts." He sighed.

"Kyle." His father whispered apologetically. Kyle ignored him.

"But I guess it's better now that there are no doubts in my mind. Now that I don't have to go around with false hope, thinking to myself- _It'll be okay, she can't stay mad forever. _But, I was wrong." His voice, although calm and soft resonated with heated anger and frustration. She remained silent and held his eye contact. He scoffed at her lack of understanding or emotion. He walked to the middle of the room.

"How can you be so goddamn cold?" he finally shouted, loosing all control of his anger. "You're the most frustrating, conniving, pigheaded person I've ever met. The first-damn near-twenty years of my life were spent doing nothing except what you wanted. I couldn't have a life like normal kids because I was too busy breaking my back trying to please you." His mother held his gaze, obviously offended by his lack of censoring, but her eyes remained as cold and unfeeling as before. He paced the kitchen floor as he let the words flow freely from his mind and out his mouth, freeing years pent-up irritation, disappointment and anger.

"You should count yourself lucky that you don't have some crazy kid that's running around selling dope or shooting up places for fun. You should be proud, but what are you, pissed at the world. For what? Who knows? You're selfish!"

"And you know that cruel, vicious little bastard, Eric? He was the one thing that kept me from killing myself just to get the hell away from you! And trust me when I say: I'm not being dramatic. There was the time when I was ten at Starks Pond, when it was thirty below outside and I jumped in, praying the ice would cover my head and leave me trapped. Or how about the time with the sleeping pills when I was thirteen? I'm pretty sure I took about two handfuls. These scars here-" he pulled up his long-sleeved shirt and showed her five large welts a few shades darker than his milky white skin, slashing both horizontally and vertically on his wrist, "from cutting at sixteen. Can't forget the electroshock with the toaster in the bathtub at seventeen. Oh yeah- I could've been gone. But every time HE found me and HE helped me; gave me a reason to keep living. But where were you? What have you done? Absolutely nothing. Except complain and give me more reasons to end it all. Now that I think about it, you don't have the right to be pissed about what the hell I do with my life. It's not even yours anymore. If anyone's it's Cartmans!" Everyone in the room was stunned at this. He'd never told anyone about these dark parts of his past, not even Stan. It was exhilarating. He felt like he'd just got five tons of weight lifted off his shoulders. Kyle's continued, anger no where near subsiding.

"I came in here, not to blame you for stuff from the past, just trying to make peace with you, why? Because you're my mother and I love you no matter what. But you know what? I didn't need a mother to help me when I got picked on everyday in grammar school for being "different", I didn't need one during high school when Eric and I came out; I didn't need help with homecoming, prom or graduation, I didn't need you when I was applying to college or planning my wedding and I damn sure don't need you now! I just thought you might want to know that you were gonna be a grandmother soon. Eric and I are adopting." His mothers' face dropped. He smirked. "Of course you'll probably hate that too, I mean, what the hell's wrong with us? Saving a newborn with nowhere to live and no family to love him? We ought to be ashamed." He droned on sarcastically. "Honestly, it doesn't matter what you think anyway. Cause you won't get to see him. I'll never let any kid of mine around such a coldhearted, immature, selfish, hypocritical bitch like you." Kyle marched out of the kitchen to his father and brother who both watched him in awe, Ike's look of shock, rapidly turning into one of respect and admiration. Kyle gave the teen a weak smile and wrapped his arms around them both.

"If she won't let you talk to me, I understand." He whispered as he tightened his hold around their necks. "Ike, you know where you're welcome. You too dad." He glanced back at his mothers' still stunned face, "I know now that I am not welcomed here so I'll leave. Thank you for your time, Mrs. Broflovski." Kyle didn't give her time to react and marched toward the door slamming it as hard as he could on the way out.

He made it down the steps and halfway through the lawn to the driveway before he felt the hot stinging of tears forming in his eyes. A choked sob escaped his lips just as a pair of large arms wrapped around his shoulders, warming his back.

"You did good."

"I thought I told you not to come." Kyle asked, voice monotone.

"I've never listened to you before, why would you think I'd start now?" Cartman let go of the small redhead and turned him to face him. Kyle looked up at him with tears brimming in his emerald green eyes.

"You did good." He repeated softly, pulling him again into a tight hug. After a few seconds he pulled back.

"Come on, let's go eat some bacon." Eric said beaming. Kyle sniffed back a few tears and laughed despite himself.

"Why bacon?" He asked wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Cause it'll piss your bitch of a mom off." Eric threw an arm around his tiny shoulders and led him to his car. Kyle laughed some more.

"Yeah, let's go eat a bacon and porkchop sandwich with ham and pigs feet on the side." Eric nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

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**Soooooo... whaddidya think? **


	5. The Wonders of Walmart-Pie-It's Over

**HOWDY FOLKS~~! I missed you guys! I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated! T_T There's been a lot going on lately... Anyway, if you're reading any of my other stories, they will also be updated soon. ( As in the next week or so) This chapter is mostly mini stories, mostly fluff. I just felt that I had to write something since I hadn't in a while. This is what I came up with! Please comment, favorite and follow! I do appreciate any commentary you might have! Any advice or whatever is also greatly appreciated. Remember: If you can't say something nice, still say it or I'll kill you in your sleep! :D Haha! J/K! **

_**DONT FORGET TO FOLLOW ME AT: taMi_chAn_ On Twitter! **_

Much Love! TamiLove!

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~o~

"You know, Khyle, this really isn't what I had in mind when I said lets go out tonight."

The two men strolled aimlessly around the unusually crowded Wal-Mart. It was roughly ten minutes to nine but people were out like it was the middle of the afternoon. Kyle had always enjoyed nightly visits to the local Wal-Mart. It was strange, as if they were in a different world the moment they entered. Everything was cheery and bright and reasonably priced. Eric, on the other hand didn't feel as enthused. Kyle grabbed a random unused cart lying on the edge of the aisle.

"You know he'll be coming home in less than a month. I can't believe we didn't do this earlier." Eric whined irritably behind him.

"You do know that we can afford to shop for baby shit at like, real stores right?" Kyle smacked his lips.

"Wal-Mart is a wonderfully magical land where they promise to match any price lower than theirs. And now that they've brought back their lay-away plan-"

"Khyle I swear to god if you put anything on lay away I will ring your scrawny little Jewish neck. Damn Jews always tryin to pinch a penny."

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut up and help me shop, fatass." The two made their way to the baby section of the store.

"What all did you want to get today?" Eric asked, pushing the cart while Kyle surveyed the first shelf they came to.

"Whatever you could carry." Kyle answered, looking between a pack of Huggies and a pack of Pampers.

"So, clothes?" Eric questioned grabbing both the packages and throwing them into the cart.

"And dipers and bottles and other shit." Kyle responded looking at the large variety of baby wipes.

"Well then..." Eric scratched the back of his head. "Let's start with two of everything on this rack." He grabbed at packs of bottles and binkies and booties, throwing them all haphazardly into the cart.

"Two? Do you think that'll be enough?" Kyle watched, a look of mild concern spreading across his face.

"Wal-Mart will always be here if it aint, Khyle." Kyle nodded and they pressed on to the baby furniture.

"Did you have a particular color scheme in mind?" Kyle nodded.

"I was thinking of staying on the cooler side of the wheel. Light yellows, blues and greens; maybe a dark oak or maple crib."

"Were you going to paint the room?"

"Maybe. I kind of like the cream that's there now." Kyle paused briefly to think about it. "If I do, maybe a bright yellow. It'll brighten the room without adding too much artificial lighting and will be a nice contrast from all the dark browns of the furniture." Cartman snickered beside him.

"What?" Kyle asked, wondering what was so funny.

"You are soooo gay." he said, laughing.

"What?" Kyle repeated, confused.

"Dude. No more HGTV for you." Kyle punched him lightly in the shoulder and laughed too.

"Oh shut up. Even you like House Hunters."

"Do not!" Eric shouted poking him in the chest.

"Then why'd you watch the whole marathon last weekend?" Kyle smirked and poked him back. Eric rolled his eyes.

"Well, why're your arms so short?"

"What the hell? My arms are not short! Why's your nose so big?"

"Oh so now the Jew has nose jokes? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You're a fucking retard." Kyle laughed, pushing their filled cart to the check outs.

"Yeah well, that's what happens after years of living with you."

"Oh yeah?" Kyle asked, grinning.

"Yeah!" Eric shouted poking the redhead in the forehead.

"Oh yeah?"

"Ye-" he was cut off when Kyle pressed his lips against his own. Eric laughed, and kissed him again.

"See look, you're even gayer than me." Kyle joked, pushing away from him and towards the self checkout lanes.

"At least my arms aren't short."

~o~

"Whatcha writin bout?" Eric poked the half-naked redhead on the shoulder. He was sitting at the desk in their room writing in a notebook.

"Names."

"Names for what?" He poked him some more.

"Our child?" Kyle eyed him suspiciously.

"I thought he already had a name."

"There's no way in hell I'm putting Inuyasha on the birth certificate." Eric's face scrunched up.

"Is that what they came up with?" Kyle shook his head.

"Yeah Kenny did."

"He's an idiot."

"Yeah, well.." Kyle trailed off without a reasonable defense.

"Whatcha got so far?" Eric questioned, looking over Kyle's shoulder onto the paper.

"Nothing really." Kyle admitted. "All I've come up with so far are all vampire names from different shows."

"If Edward's on there, I swear I'll never talk to you again." Kyle laughed

"No, it's not. But what about Aiden?"

"What is that from?"

"Being Human."

"Oh yeah! He's pretty kick ass." Eric nodded.

"I know right."

"It's starting to grow on me."

"Right?" The redhead exclaimed.

"Okay, I think we've got a winner! Aiden it is."

"What about a middle name?"

"Inuyasha." Cartman offered.

"Uh... No."

"What about Yashin?"

"Aiden Yashin Cartman?"

"Yup."

"Well, I guess it doesn't sound too bad."

"We can call him Inuyasha for short." Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"How the hell is that short?"

"Doesn't matter. Let's go eat pie." Eric grabbed his thin wrist and pulled him from his chair.

"What kind?" Eric stopped and looked the redhead mischievously in the eye.

"Now, you know that's not how you ask me that." Kyle rolled his eyes and grinned.

"Fine. What flavor is it?"

"Pie flavor! Dunnananananaaa!" Cartman yelled through the apartment, trotting down to the kitchen

"You're so immature." Kyle laughed and shook his head.

"And you played along so what does that make you?" Eric said, a spoonful of pie heading to his mouth.

"A parent or a babysitter." Kyle answered grabbing the spoonful and eating all the pie off it.

"That I have sex with." Eric added, scooping another spoonful of pie.

"Right." Kyle nodded, snatching the spoon again and scooping his own pie.

"So a pedophile." Eric questioned, trying and failing at stealing Kyle's spoon.

"I don't answer to labels." Kyle smirked and licked the spoon clean.

~o~

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod!"

The blonde man ran into the bar, knocking over empty stools and tables. He was out of breath but managed, with his last spurt of energy, to jump up and over the cash register, hiding behind Kyle and the bottles of assorted liquors that surrounded him.

"Kenny? What the hell, get off me!" Kyle shouted, kicking at the hunched over, terrified looking Kenny, while trying not to spill the drink he'd just made. Kenny held on to his shins and screamed pointing towards the door.

"He's got a gun! Kyle stop him!"

"What?" Kyle set down the drink and kicked Kenny hard in the knee. He bounced off him with yelp.

"Damnit, Kyle!" Kenny groaned, nursing his bruise. The door to the bar swung open and a few patrons let out shouts of surprise. Stan strode over to a practically trembling Kenny, revolver drawn and aimed for his head.

"COME HERE YOU CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!" The raven haired man shouted at the top of his lungs. Regulars at the bar, like Clyde, Craig and Butters simply sighed and moved their tables and chairs to either side of the bar, preparing for the oncoming fight. Kyle sighed and wished silently that they'd both just stop disrupting his business every couple of days.

"Oh" He said simply. Kenny dropped again scurrying along the floor.

"Kyle! Stop him! Stop him Kyle!" Kyle ignored him and went to cleaning out the empty cups laying on the bar.

"Nuh-uhn. I warned you."

"No Kyle I didn't this time! I swear! Those two at the hospital were the last ones!" Kyle looked over at him, gaze heavy with disbelief. Kenny rolled his icy blue eyes.

"Okay there we're a couple more after that, but God a gun? Do you know what a pain bullets are to come back from?" Stan fired, hitting a bottle of scotch right beside Kenny's head, drenching him with the liquor and spraying fragments of broken glass throughout his hair. Kyle continued cleaning his glass.

"You are sooooo paying for that."

"YOU- PIECE- OF- SHIT!" Stan gritted through his teeth, stepping closer to Kenny.

"STAN STOP IT!" The sound of Stan cocking the revolvers hammer echoed throughout the room. Several customers took this as their cue to leave.

"STAN!" Kyle whiper-shouted. Kenny's eyes glowed with the hope of someone coming to his rescue. "Take it in the back. You're disrupting everybody." Kenny's eyes dropped. Butters chuckled and took a sip of his drink.

"Nah, we're used to it by now Kyle." Clyde cheered.

"Yeah! Shoot 'im once in the ass for me, Stan!" Kyle rubbed his temples.

"Well they're on my nerves, and I've got shit to do. Take that in the back!"

"You guys are assholes!" Kenny whined, voice threatening a sob. The door opened again. Cartman walked in.

"Hey fags." He greeted everyone, Craig and Clyde with nonchalant handshakes. With Butters a polite nod.

"Babe." He greeted, laying down his suit jacket on the bar and giving Kyle a quick peck on the cheek.

"What's goin on here?" He said, pointing between Kenny and Stan, who stood stonefaced, eyes locked in a mental conversation, one Kenny obviously wasn't winning. Kyle sighed again and continued rubbing his temples, gratefully patting Cartman's hands when they settled on his shoulders feigning a small neckrub.

"Kenny's a cheating piece of shit and Stan's finally had enough." he explained.

"Hey!" Kenny shouted in protest.

"I'm gonna kill him." Stan said, a bit too calmly for Kenny's tastes.

"I'll come back, Stan." Kenny countered smartly.

"EVERY TIME YOU COME BACK, I'LL KILL YOU." He growled

"Oh." The blonde said, beaten.

"Ooooh! Can I help?" Cartman joined in.

"Cartman, you fat piece of shit, I thought we were friends!" Kenny whined from the floor.

"Yeah well, Stan's practically my sister-in-law, and you're fuckin with him. Family beats friends, sorry bro." Cartman shrugged.

"I'll make it so your kid grows up to be just like me!" Kenny spat.

"Yeah yeah. Tell me that after you start raisin some of these kids you've got loiterin all around the place."

"SHUT UP FATASS! Don't even wish that on me! I don't have no kids and you know it!" Stan scoffed, sending chills up Kenny's spine. That couldn't be good.

"You really weren't listening were you?"

"Sorry, I kinda blanked out when I woke up to the sound of a gun going off three centimeters from my face!" Kenny countered, irritably.

"No problem. I'll summarize. Some bitch named Monica called about a week ago, said she's pregnant." Kenny's face dropped. Everyone in the bar looked up.

"Yep. Time to go. Later Kyle." Clyde waved as the last three patrons left. Kenny looked confused.

"Who's Monica?"

"Some bitch. I thought it was a joke at first but she kept calling back. You must've known her pretty well if she had your full name, cell number, house number and address." Stan growled.

"Address?" Kenny repeated.

"Yeah. She came over today while you were at work. Said she wasn't 'raisin no baby' and wanted to see if you wanted it 'fo she put it up for adoption'." Stan mocked the girls' accent.

"I aint fucked no bitch named Monica." Kenny answered defensively.

"Oh yeah? What's this picture of then?" Stan reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a picture of Kenny grinning while a naked latina with huge breasts kneeled in front of him- obviously giving a blowjob- flicking off the camera.

"That bitch said her name was Emilia. And that she was on the pill." The last part he mumbled to himself. "Wait, I aint even seen her since..."

"Around eight months ago." Stan finished. Kenny looked surprised. "Yeah wise-ass, she's damn near full term. Said she was due two weeks from now."

"Son of a bitch." Kenny groaned into his hands.

"YEAH YOU ARE!"

"Stan..." Kenny looked at him apologetically. Stan gritted his teeth and paced the floor.

"NO! NO MORE! I AINT RAISIN YOUR GODDAMN KID! I'M TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR SHIT KEN! I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF IT AND GODDAMNIT I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT!" He pointed the gun at Kenny's head. The blonde raised his hands, shielding his face.

"Stan! Stan, wait!"

"NO!" He shouted, making the blonde wince for fear of him pulling the trigger. He didn't. Instead he squatted, looking the blue-eyed boy in the face, a terrible seriousness on his aging face. He spoke calmly and softly, which scared Kenny more than his shouting.

"When you get home you'll find all your shit packed and outside the door. Be out of my apartment by the time I get out of work tonight, or I'll call the police. Don't forget to lose the key." Kenny watched Stan's face for any willingness to forgive him. He found none. Stan watched him, making sure his point had been made. His gaze lingered a bit too long on Kenny's ice blue eyes that begged for forgiveness. He sniffed as a single tear escaped his eye. Stan shook his head, no.

"Not this time Ken."

The gun went off.

* * *

**Okay, I just want to say, JEEZE did I do a lot of advertising in this chap~ LOL! I do actually enjoy going to Walmart at night and hanging around like a bum. House Hunters is the shit. If you haven't watched, I highly suggest you try it out, along with Property Brothers (those brothers are fine as h-e double hockey stick! LOVE YA JOHN AND DREW!) lol! What else... The shopping= Totally my dad when baby shopping for my lil bro. -_- That's why he's so twisted now... And the name is ACTUALLY what my parents thought of naming me. (Not Cartman, of course but, Aiden Yashin. *Yah-sheen Aren't they evil?) Since, of course Being Human and Inuyasha weren't out when I was conceived, I just thought of those things... Anyway I hope you guys really liked this chap. It was really fun to write! Honestly I just love being able to cause Kenny physical harm, cause why not? HAHA! Love ya Ken! Anyway, comment and all that chizz! Thanks guys!**


	6. The Easiest Ten Grand

**Oh my flippin glob, I haven't updated since freaking November. I am so sorry guys! Please, feel free to flip me over a rusted, aids and herpes infested spike.. I deserve it.. TT_TT **

**A few things: I'm really surprised how much love the Stenny in this fic is getting.. Perhaps I should give them a chap to themselves every once in a while, no? Please tell me your thoughts on this guys! Erm, what else... Oh yeah. I just realized how un-southparky this story is.. I mean nothing really insane has happened yet, mostly because this became a really realistic fic but under no circumstances is this AU. Crazy shit still goes down in the town of South Park. Even though I'm pretty sure I moved the boys outside of Denver by mistake... whoops~ lol! Anyways this storys not gonna be all that mellow, stuffs gonna start picking up and getting crazy but not yknow, giant robot hamsters attacking the city, crazy.. You'll see~ Any ideas, comments, questions or concerns, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE! I wanna hear from you guys, it lets me know that I'm doing good! Thanks to everyone who is reading my story, who comments, reviews and favorites! I love you guys muchos! -TamiLove**

* * *

"I think it's this one." Eric said pointing to the closed door marked in silver numbers 437.

"Are you sure, fatass? I thought she said 427 not 437." Kyle looked around briefly for someone who could be of assistance.

"Look, Jew, I got this." Eric muttered knocking at the pale white door.

"Come in!" A surprisingly chipper voice offered from inside. The two men exchanged a glance and opened the door, slowly peeking inside. A woman sat at a desk, glancing up from her papers with anticipation. She pulled off her glasses and set them on the desk. She smiled openly at both the men.

"So you're the infamous Kyle and Eric Cartman? I've heard so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Linda, your new case worker." Linda strode over to them and offered both men her hand.

"It's nice to meet you as well." Kyle shook her hand and smiled politely.

"Who did you hear about us from?" Eric asked, shaking her hand as well but not bothering to feign the same politeness as Kyle.

"Laura McAllen is my younger sister." She said with a proud smile. Kyle gaped, now recognizing the resemblance.

"No way!" Kyle mused.

"Totally!" Linda laughed. "When she told me about the baby and you two, I figured hey, why not help these guys out. You needed a case worker, why not have one who's on your side, right?"

"That's really so kind of you." Kyle thanked her. She waved it off.

"No, no, it's my pleasure. I'm always willing to help out someone who needs it. But from what I've seen, you two don't really need a whole hell of a lot of help. You're pretty much the best possible candidates for adoptive parents. Married to your childhood sweetheart, for what was it..."

"Three years the day we found him." Kyle answered, grinning happily.

"Isn't that precious!" She applauded then, taking a quick look at the stack of papers on her desk, continued. "You're both employed, and apparently well off seeing as you own two apartments in the most expensive complex in town. Not to mention the car and bar. None of your bills are late, all of your bank statements are here, and both your credit scores are… terrifyingly good. You two have certainly made names for yourselves."

"All comes with marrying a Jew. Your finances are always in order." Cartman agreed. Linda laughed and Kyle elbowed him in the ribs.

"Now comes time for the really personal stuff. I just need to ask about your family histories and we'll be pretty much ready to go." Linda pulled back on her glasses and looked between the two. Kyle nodded.

"Okay, ask away."

"I actually need to ask one of you to leave while I talk to the other." The two men caught each other's gazes.

"You go first, I'm nervous now." Kyle murmured, leaving the room immediately.

"Well, jeeze Khyle way to use me as a shield." Eric called after him.

"Love you~" Kyle sang as the door closed. Eric sighed and shook his head.

"So, Eric. Let's talk about your parents. I see here that your mother, Liane Cartman is deceased." Eric nodded.

"Yeah, she died while I was in high school. Cocaine overdose." He explained.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Was she... always into heavy drugs?" Linda asked cautiously.

"For as long as I can remember." He answered, bluntly.

"I see. Well, what was your relationship like with your mother?"

"She spoiled the hell out of me. Bought me anything I wanted, did whatever I told her to do and let me have my way for most of my life. I walked all over her and treated her like everyone else treated her- like shit. But she never yelled, never complained. The only times she ever got mad was when I put myself in danger. She loved me, more than most people really get. I loved her too, even if I was a little asshole. She was all I knew." She jotted down notes on her papers and nodded in understanding.

"But what about your father, Jack Tenorman?"

"I didn't really know him. I found out who he was during grade school but by then he had... passed away."

"Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that." Linda glanced up at him, concern taking over her features.

"It's okay. Like I said, my mom spoiled the shit out of me. I had more than any kid with a dad. I knew that when shit started hitting the fan, she would be on my side. I have no complaints." Linda gave an understanding smile.

"It says here that Jack Tenorman had another son with his wife before they died, do you have any contact with your brother?"

"No." Eric muttered blankly.

"Have you two ever met?"

"Actually we met long before I even found out Jack Tenorman was my father. He was a couple grades above me and a complete asshole. We hated each other." He explained, watching as Linda jotted down more things on her papers. He continued. "When I found out he was really my half-brother, the feud between us only grew worst. I wanted nothing to do with him, he felt the same. By the time I started high school, he'd gone off for college and thankfully that was the last I'd ever seen of him."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you hate your brother?" She asked him, legit curiosity playing off her voice.

"I didn't hate my brother. I never had a brother. Scott Tenorman was the worst type of scum to ever crawl the face of this Earth. It would take the rest of my life to explain every reason I have to hate him." Eric expressed, letting his voice express his disdain for the elder man openly.

"I see." She nodded solemnly then gave the man a large smile. "Let's move on then, to the rest of your family."

~o~

"Oh my god, I totally thought cops were gonna start swarmin in or something." Kyle sighed as Eric and Linda stepped out of her office.

"Wow really, Khyle? No faith in me at all, huh?"

"Okay Kyle, it's your turn." She smiled at the obviously nervous young man. Kyle stepped closer to her but slowly, almost painfully.

"Come on, I don't bite." She chuckled, loping her arm around his and leading him inside.

"He should be used to it." Eric muttered almost inaudibly. Kyle threw the man a glance that left him laughing.

"So Kyle, I'm just gonna go down the line like I did with Eric okay?" She offered him a reassuring smile. Kyle nodded and returned it.

"Yep. I'm ready."

"Okay then. Your parents, how is your relationship with them?" Kyle grimaced.

"Well… it could be better." Linda looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I get along fine with my father." Kyle offered, hoping somewhere in the back of his mind that she'd just let the subject go and take his hint.

"And your mother?" She asked.

"Sorta disowned me for being gay?" He answered, trying to sound offbeat about it. Linda locked eyes with him and he shook the gaze away.

"It was a long time coming. She'd never really accepted it, since I was a kid. She kept me locked inside, studying. If I ever even asked her about something like that, she'd say that God would never forgive me for having such sinful thoughts as those and that she wouldn't be able to save me when I was engulfed with the fires of hell." He tried once again to escape her gaze, he found himself rubbing his forearms, something he did often when he got nervous or stressed. He continued. "But it's better now. Not too long ago I got a lot of things off my chest when it came to her. I feel a lot better knowing that even though my mother hates me, I have a father and a brother who love me dearly, not to mention that useless lump I call a husband who I can depend on no matter what. I'm happy."

"Did you ever see someone for depression?" Kyle's head shot up and he glared at the woman, completely thrown.

"D-depression?" He stumbled, completely confused as to what brought this conversation up. "No I- What would I do that for?"

"Your arm." She said pointing at the inch of scarred skin that showed from underneath his green long-sleeved sweater. "I couldn't help but notice…" Kyle mentally cursed himself. He'd gone years without anyone finding out about them… Why now of all times-

"The only person who knew anything about it was Eric. My family only found out recently." He muttered solemnly.

"Were those-" She hesitated before looking him in the eye, obviously vying for the truth. "The only time?"

"No."

"And no one knew about this? You didn't tell anyone except Eric?" Kyle shook his head slowly.

"I see." Linda sighed and folded her hands on her desk.

"I'm gonna be as straight forward with you as possible, Kyle. Those-" She pointed to the man's thin arms. "Don't look good at all. We need to be completely sure that you are mentally sound before we hand you a child." Kyle's head shot up instantly.

"But I am mentally sound! I admit, there have been some dark times in my past that I'm not particularly proud of, but Jesus, I'm not a deranged maniac or something!"

She stood up and walked across the desk to sit on the same side as the distressed redhead. She patted his hand sympathetically and sighed.

"I understand Kyle, I swear I do. But right now I'm telling you as a friend, that it might be best if you start seeing a therapist. Not just for your mental well-being but because if anyone else notices..."

"We might not get him?" Kyle finished for her. She nodded solemnly.

"It's a possibility." Kyle rubbed his temples, trying to ease his growing headache. Linda gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

"Listen Kyle, I'm not making you do this. Like I said, I'm just suggesting as a friend. Just be careful okay? I don't want anyone making the wrong assumptions."

"I understand. Thank you. I'll... I'll think about it." He said nodding sincerely. She gave him a small smile and pulled her notes from her desk.

"Okay, now tell me more about your father and your brother."

~o~

"Hey. Hey, Khyle?" Kyle shifted on the couch limply as Eric poked him repeatedly in the shoulder, trying for his attention. When he didn't respond, the brunette continued, using instead, his palm to shake the man back and forth softly.

"Khyyyyyyyyle?" Eric sang, waving his hand in front of Kyle's eyes. He didn't even blink. Eric sighed and grabbed each side of Kyle's face, making sure to slap him a bit before shaking his head dramatically hoping to snap the man out of his stupor.

"HEY KHYYYYYYYYYLE? YOU IN THERE? DID YOU DIEEEEEEEE? YOU WON'T MAKE ME A WIDOW THAT FUCKING EASYYYYYYYY!" He released the sides of his face, letting the man roll off the couch and fall dizzily to the floor. When Kyle finally got the room to stop spinning he jumped up and grabbed the taller man by the front of the shirt.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU FUCKING IDIOT?" He screamed in his face, raising his balled fist, threatening to release a blow.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T HIT ME ANYMORE YOU BASTARD!" Eric shouted, raising his hands to protect his face. Kyle sighed and flopped back onto the couch, not bothering to utter another word. Eric sighed and sat next to him.

"You've been quiet since we got back." He observed. Kyle leaned limply against his shoulder.

"Tea?" Eric offered. Kyle shook his body more than his head 'no'.

"Beer?" He shook his head again.

"Bucket of ice cream and a spoon?" Eric offered finally. Kyle nodded and fell against the side of the couch, sighing dramatically.

"Woah. This must be big." Eric stood and made his way into the kitchen. Kyle listened as the refrigerator door opened and closed and silverware rattled. Eric came back into the kitchen.

"Don't tell me. We got aids again?" He mused. Kyle's head shot up. He looked at the man with confusion.

"What?" Eric shrugged and flipped the top off the ice cream bucket.

"Did you sleep with Stan? I mean, just because he's all lonely and shit cause of Kenneh, don't mean I'ma let it slide-" he pointed at him with the spoon before dipping it into the bucket.

"What the absolute hell are you talkin about?" Kyle asked, resting his head in Eric's lap and glaring up at him.

"I'm not really sure."

"Okay, just shut up and feed me ice cream." He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth expectantly.

"Jesus. You marry a guy and all of a sudden you're his fucking slave." Eric complained, placing the spoon in Kyle's mouth.

"Well as long as we understand each other..." Kyle mumbled, lapping the spoon clean.

"What a dick." Eric groaned. Kyle chuckled.

"That's what you said." Eric placed the bucket on the table in front of him and looked down suspiciously at his husband.

"Okay, really Khyle?" The redhead sighed and played with a button on Eric's shirt.

"She wants me to go to see a therapist." He answered at last. The brunette sighed and leaned back against the couch.

"So what do you think?" The brunette asked, calmly.

"I think there's no point in going." Kyle answered, shrugging for emphasis but not looking up from the button.

"But..." Eric offered.

"But, she suggested it as a friend and said that it would be best if I went."

"So the problem is..." Kyle sighed heavily and glared at the man above him. He hated when Eric did this. Instead of just shutting up or telling him straight out what he should do, the man always inched it out of him.

"The problem is; if there's nothing wrong, why go through all the trouble of sitting in an office all day talking to some wrinkly old dude with a pen and notepad, spilling my deepest darkest feelings and memories, while he tunes in and out and decides at the end of the day that even though there's not a damned thing wrong with me, I should take twelve hundred dollars' worth of antidepressants that all have side effects that can lead to comas, cancer or death and that I should see him next week to do it all over again." Kyle felt his temper start to rise. This was all just stupid but he knew he'd never hear the end of it if he kept the man from his game. Eric could feel the redhead's tension growing and calmly petted his hair, hoping it would calm the hotheaded man down.

"So..." He continued.

"So I don't think that there's a point in going, since there's nothing wrong with me."

"Because..."

"Because there's like, nothing wrong with me. At all. I mean, I've had some dark spots in the past, but that's what they are, in the past. And just because my mother's a hateful, cruel and vicious bitch doesn't mean I can't take care of a kid properly. Hell, if anything, it should make me a better parent, right?" He sat up, feeding into his newfound revelation. Hoping to get a reaction out of Eric as to if this was what the man wanted him to think. When he didn't receive one, he continued.

"And I might not be the best parent, but who is? It's not like I'm alone in this either. I have you, and dad and Ike and Stan and even Kenny to help out."

"But..."

"But…" But? But what? He didn't know what the 'but' would be in this situation. He'd completed the game, hadn't he? One look in Eric's eyes told him he had not.

"But…" he continued, "I don't want to end up like her. Screwing my kid over. Making him scared to be around me, to talk to me. Making him hide behind you guys like I'm some sort of monster." Eric gave him a weak smile.

"So what do you think you should do?"

"I think I should go?" He asked more than answered. Eric ruffled his hair fondly and chuckled.

"Good boy." Kyle rolled his eyes and grabbed the ice cream from the table and resumed his gorging.

"Shut up." He muttered against the spoon.

"You're so open Khyle. You'll be the easiest ten grand a therapist could make." Eric mused, leaning the redhead against his shoulder once again.

"Go to hell. You just read me too well." Kyle grumbled but didn't move. Eric grinned.

"What can I say Khyle, you're my favorite book."


End file.
